TOPIC: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, or risk that you have taken and its impact on you. EssayEdge says: This question is actually a combination of two common questions: Describe a significant achievement and describe a time when you grew as a person.
Accomplishment questions show the admissions committee what you value, what makes you proud and what you are capable of accomplishing. A common mistake in answering this question is repeating information that can be found elsewhere in the application. You should not try to squeeze every achievement on your resume into the essay. If you do choose to write about an accomplishment that the committee can read about somewhere else on your application, be sure to bring that experience alive by demonstrating what it took to get there and how it affected you personally. Do not be afraid to show them that you feel proud. This is not the place for modesty. However do not fall to the other extreme either-you can toot your own horn, but do it without being snotty. You will not have to worry about either extreme if you spend the bulk of your essay simply telling the story.
If you feel like you have not done anything worth focusing on, then remind yourself that the best essays are often about modest accomplishments. It does not matter what you have accomplished as long as it was personally meaningful and you can make it come alive. Unless specified, the accomplishment can be professional, personal, or academic. Did you get a compliment from a notoriously tough boss? Did you lose the race but beat your own best time? Did you work around the clock to bring your C in physics up to an A. Do not think about what they want to hear-think about what has really made you proud.
For the second part of the question, they are asking you to open up about who you really are. Although you do want to show that you have matured, do not overplay what a terrible person you once were just to make the point of what a great person you are now. No one changes that much. Besides, the “before” portrait might be the one that sticks in the admissions officer’s head. Also, focus on your current personality rather than on the “old you” or on every last detail of the event. The reader wants to know what you are like now, not what you were like a long time ago. Finally, describe real events and scenarios to prove that your growth resulted from the decisions you made and actions you took. Significant events and people can serve as inspiration. Real change, though, always results from the work, effort, and initiative you have put into yourself. Take some credit.
SAMPLE ESSAY 1: Princeton, Athlete (football) I have learned a great many things from participating in varsity football. It has changed my entire outlook on and attitude toward life. Before my freshman year at [high-school], I was shy, had low self-esteem and turned away from seemingly impossible challenges. Football has altered all of these qualities. On the first day of freshman practice, the team warmed up with a game of touch football. The players were split up and the game began. However, during the game, I noticed that I didn’t run as hard as I could, nor did I try to evade my defender and get open. The fact of the matter is that I really did not want to be thrown the ball. I didn’t want to be the one at fault if I dropped the ball and the play didn’t succeed. I did not want the responsibility of helping the team because I was too afraid of making a mistake. That aspect of my character led the first years of my high school life. I refrained from asking questions in class, afraid they might be considered too stupid or dumb by my classmates. All the while, I went to practice and everyday, I went home physically and mentally exhausted.
Yet my apprehension prevailed as I continued to fear getting put in the game in case another player was injured. I was still afraid of making mistakes and getting blamed by screaming coaches and angry teammates. Sometimes these fears came true. During my sophomore season, my position at backup guard led me to play in the varsity games on many occasions. On such occasions, I often made mistakes. Most of the time the mistakes were not significant; they rarely changed the outcome of a play. Yet I received a thorough verbal lashing at practice for the mistakes I had made. These occurrences only compounded my fears of playing. However, I did not always make mistakes. Sometimes I made great plays, for which I was congratulated. Now, as I dawn on my senior year of football and am faced with two starting positions, I feel like a changed person.
Over the years, playing football has taught me what it takes to succeed. From months of tough practices, I have gained a hard work ethic. From my coaches and fellow teammates, I have learned to work well with others in a group, as it is necessary to cooperate with teammates on the playing field. But most important, I have also gained self-confidence. If I fail, it doesn’t matter if they mock or ridicule me; I’ll just try again and do it better. I realize that it is necessary to risk failure in order to gain success. The coaches have always said before games that nothing is impossible; I know that now. Now, I welcome the challenge. Whether I succeed or fail is irrelevant; it is only important that I have tried and tested myself.
SAMPLE ESSAY 2: Harvard, international experience: Living in Switzerland “Je deteste des Americains,” said the old Swiss woman sitting across from me. Her face contorted into a grimace of disgust as she and her friend continued to complain that Americans had no culture, that they never learned another language, and that their inferior customs were spreading throughout Europe like an infectious disease. Each hair on the back of my neck sprang to attention, as I strained to hear the women’s inflammatory remarks. I gripped my bag of McDonald’s harder with each insulting phrase.
I had been living in Geneva, Switzerland for four years, during which time I had attended an international school consisting of over 96 different nationalities. I had already become fluent in French and had become accustomed to the new culture in which I was living-a culture which I had believed to be rich in tolerance and acceptance. Naturally, the women’s remarks hurt. Was I really an “ugly American?” Did I have no appreciation of anything other than McDonald’s or Coca-Cola? Had I not been touched by the new world I had been exposed to?
Without question, my four years in Switzerland changed my life in countless ways. From the minute I stepped off the plane at Cointrin Airport, the vastly different sights along the clean street, the ubiquitous smells of rich delicious French cuisine, and my feelings of excitement about my new surroundings told me that I definitely was “not in Kansas anymore.” My school helped greatly in modifying my attitudes, as for the first time I was with peers from countries which I had only read about. Although it was sometimes difficult trying to find links between my self and my Saudi Arabian, Hungarian, French, Nigerian, or Chilean friends, I soon came to enjoy my new stir fry environment. By the time I left, I was wondering how I ever could survive the boredom of attending a homogeneous institution. This is not to say that, prior to this, I had been closed up in a bland box of a world. I had traveled to India, my father’s home, and England, my mother’s home, annually: a practice my family and I continue to this day. I had been brought up without specific religious beliefs, but an awareness of my parents’ spiritual backgrounds of Judaism and Hinduism. Thus my exposure to these various different nationalities in Switzerland built on my found-ations of cultural awareness, rather than laying the cornerstone for it.
My understanding of my new environment was aided tremendously by my ability to speak French, and was subsequently one of the best gifts I brought back from my four year stay in Switzerland. An entire year of school lessons could not have taught me as much of the language as I learned form speaking with my Swiss friends, shopping in the local stores, or apologizing to my neighbors for hitting my ball into their yard. My proficiency in French earned me a regular spot on a nationally broadcast Swiss radio program, in which a Russian child and I discussed tensions between major world powers. This was a rare opportunity, as, although Stephen and I were peers, the fact that Russian children attended the Soviet Embassy school meant that we were not classmates. Though, even if we had been allowed to speak casually before, I am not certain that our conversation would have reached the depth of discussion we achieved on the show.
America will never again seem the same to me. Geneva gave me enough distance to look at my country through objective eyes. Traveling throughout Europe was like a trip with Gulliver: it gave me the ability to look inside myself and discern my country’s faults as well as its numerous strengths. Like the Swiss women’s remarks, it hurt me to find that the United States is not the only country in the world with a rich and stimulating environment. With my new perspective, I saw that America was not what it had been. Then I thought for a moment and realized that America had not changed, but I had.
SAMPLE ESSAY 3: Princeton, childhood experience: A fishing trip Reluctantly smearing sunblock over every exposed inch of my fifty-three pound body, I prepared mentally for the arduous task that lay ahead of me. After several miserable fishing ventures which had left my skin red and my hook bare, I felt certain that, at last, my day had arrived. I stood ready to clear the first hurdle of manhood, triumph over fish. At the age of seven, I was confident that my rugged, strapping body could conquer any obstacle. Pity the fish that would become the woeful object of the first demonstration of my male prowess.
Engaging me deeply was my naive eagerness to traverse the chasm dividing boy from man. In fact, so completely absorbed was I in my thoughts that the lengthy journey to our favorite fishing spot seemed fleeting. The sudden break in the droning of the engine snapped me to reality. Abruptly jarred back into the world, I fumbled for my fishing pole. Dangling the humble rods end over the edge of the boat, I released the bail on the reel and plunked the cheap plastic lure into the water. Once I had let out enough line and set the rod in a holder, I sat back to wait for an attack on the lure. The low hum of the motor at trolling speed only added to my anxiety, like the instrumental accompaniment to a horror film. And then it hit. A sharp tug on the line pulled me to my feet faster than an electric shock. I bounded to the pole, and when I reached it, I yanked it out of the holder with all of my might. My nervous energy was so potent that when I tugged on the rod, I nearly plunged headlong over the side of the boat and into the fishs domain. Although adrenaline streamed through my veins, after five minutes both my unvanquishable strength and my superhuman will were waning steadily. Just when I was fully prepared to surrender to the fish and, with that gesture, succumb to a life of discontentment, pain, and sorrow, the fish performed a miraculous feat. Shocked and instantly revived, I watched as the mahi-mahi leapt from the oceans surface. The mahi-mahis skin gleamed with radiant hues of blue, green, and yellow in a breathtaking spray of surf. Brilliant sunlight beamed upon the spectacle, giving life to a scene which exploded into a furious spectrum of color. The exotic fish tumbled majestically back to the sea amidst a blast of foam. With this incredible display, the fish was transformed from a pitiful victim to a brilliant specimen of life. I cared no longer for any transcendent ritual I must perform, but rather, I longed only for the possession of such a proud creature. I hungered to touch such a wonder and share the fantastic bond that a hunter must feel for his kill. I needed to have that fish at any cost.
The fight lasted for only ten minutes; nevertheless, it was a ten minutes which I will never forget. When my fish neared the boat, I felt more energized than I had when the fish first struck. At my fathers command, I netted the fish and hauled it into the bottom of the boat. I was nearly bursting with exhilaration.
Released from the net, the fish dropped to the bottom of the boat with a hollow thud, and my jaw dropped with it. I stared in complete horror at the violently thrashing fish which was now at my feet. Within minutes, all of the fishs vibrance, color and life had vanished. Instead, came blood. Lots of blood. It sprayed from its mouth. It sprayed from its gills. Shortly, the boat was coated with the red life blood of the mahi-mahi. It now lay twitching helplessly while it gasped and choked for oxygen in the dry air. I felt sickened, disgusted, and utterly lost in heart-wrenching pity. As I watched the color drain from the fish, leaving it a morbid pale-yellow, I realized that I was responsible for the transformation of a creature of brilliance and life into a pitiful, dying beast.
Despite my brothers cheers and praises, I rode back to shore in bitter silence. I could not help thinking about the vast difference between the magnificent creature which I saw jump in the sea and the pathetic beast which I saw gasping for life in the bloody pit of the boat. What struck me most forcefully on that day, though, was the realization that I was no mere bystander to this desecration. I was the sole cause. Had I not dropped the hook into the water, the fish undoubtedly would still be alive. I, alone, had killed this fish.
In retrospect, I am relieved that I reacted in such a way to my passage from boyhood to manhood. Although my views about many things, hunting and fishing included, have changed considerably since that day, I still retain a powerful conscience which actively molds my personality. One cannot dispute the frightening potential of the human race to induce the permanent extinction of every life form on the planet. As the ability to change the world on a global scale is arguably limited to one breed of life, so, too, is the force which impedes instinctual and conscious action, the human conscience. My own sense of strong moral principle reaches far beyond simply averting Armageddon, however. I often find myself unable to disregard this force of moral and social responsibility in whatever I do. Part of my keen social conscience is demonstrated in the effort I have made to be a positive intellectual leader among my classmates and in the community. Realizing how lucky I am to have been born with a high aptitude for learning, I feel sorry that others who also work very hard cannot achieve like I have nor be rewarded with success as I have been. In a leadership role, I hope to constructively guide my peers to find their own success and see the fruition of their own goals. By serving as class president for three consecutive years, as founder, member, and chairman of the peer counseling society, and as a peer tutor, I have enabled others to reach their goals, while finding personal gratification at the same time. I am fortunate in that I have been given the opportunity to optimize the usefulness of my personal virtues in helping others; I can only hope to continue heeding my conscience in work as a research chemist, or whatever I may do in the future. It is my right and my obligation, for I firmly maintain that the charge of a humanitarian conscience is one which each person must eternally bear for the good of humankind and all the world.
SAMPLE ESSAY 4: Brown, achievement: Martial arts competition A faint twinge of excitement floated through my body that night. A hint of anticipation of the coming day could not be suppressed; yet to be overcome with anxiety would not do at all. I arduously forced those pernicious thoughts from seeping in and overcoming my body and mind. I still wonder that I slept at all that night.
But I did. I slept soundly and comfortably as those nervous deliberations crept into my defenseless, unsuspecting mind, pilfering my calm composure. When I awoke refreshed, I found my mind swarming with jumbled exhilaration. The adrenaline was flowing already.
After a quick breakfast, I pulled some of my gear together and headed out. The car ride of two hours seemed only a few moments as I struggled to reinstate order in my chaotic consciousness and focus my mind on the day before me. My thoughts drifted to the indistinct shadows of my memory.
My opponent’s name was John Doe. There were other competitors at the tournament, but they had never posed any threat to my title. For as long as I had competed in this tournament, I had easily taken the black belt championship in my division. John, however, was the most phenomenal martial artist I had ever had the honor of witnessing at my young age of thirteen. And he was in my division. Although he was the same rank, age, size, and weight as I, he surpassed me in almost every aspect of our training. His feet were lightning, and his hands were virtually invisible in their agile swiftness. He wielded the power of a bear while appearing no larger than I. His form and techniques were executed with near perfection. Although I had never defeated his flawlessness before, victory did not seem unattainable. For even though he was extraordinary, he was not much more talented than I. I am not saying that he was not skilled or even that he was not more skilled than I, for he most certainly was, but just not much more than I. I still had one hope, however little, of vanquishing this incredible adversary, for John had one weakness: he was lazy. He didn’t enjoy practicing long hours or working hard. He didn’t have to. Nevertheless, I had found my passage to triumph.
My mind raced even farther back to all my other failures. I must admit that my record was not very impressive. Never before had I completed anything. I played soccer. I quit. I was a Cub Scout. I quit. I played trumpet. I quit. Karate was all I had left. The championship meant so much because I had never persevered with anything else.
In the last months, I had trained with unearthly stamina and determination. I had focused all my energies into practicing for this sole aspiration. Every day of the week I trained. Every evening, I could be found kicking, blocking, and punching at an imaginary opponent in my room. Hours of constant drilling had improved my techniques and speed. All my techniques were ingrained to the point where they were instinctive. Days and weeks passed too swiftly. . . .
I was abruptly jolted back into the present. The car was pulling into the parking lot. The tournament had too quickly arrived, and I still did not feel prepared for the trial which I was to confront. I stepped out of the car into the bright morning sun, and with my equipment bag in hand, walked into the towering building.
The day was a blur. After warming up and stretching, I sat down on the cold wooden floor, closed my eyes, and focused. I cleared my mind of every thought, every worry, and every insecurity. When I opened my eyes, every sense and nerve had become sharp and attentive, every motion finely tuned and deliberate.
The preliminary rounds were quiet and painless, and the championship fight was suddenly before me. I could see that John looked as calm and as confident as ever. Adrenaline raced through my body as I stepped into the ring. We bowed to each other and to the instructor, and the match began.
I apologize, but I do not recall most of the fight. I do faintly remember that when time ran out the score was tied, and we were forced to go into Sudden Death: whoever scored the next point would win. That, however, I do recall.
I was tired. The grueling two points that I had won already had not been enough. I needed one more before I could taste triumph. I was determined to win, though I had little energy remaining. John appeared unfazed, but I couldn’t allow him to discourage me. I focused my entire being, my entire consciousness, on overcoming this invincible nemesis. I charged. All my strenuous training, every molecule in my body, every last drop of desire was directed, concentrated on that single purpose as I exploded through his defenses and drove a solitary fist to its mark.
I was not aware that I would never fight John again, but I would not have cared. Never before had I held this prize in my hands, but through pure, salty sweat and vicious determination, the achievement that I had desired so dearly and which meant so much to me was mine at last. This was the first time that I had ever really made a notable accomplishment in anything. This one experience, this one instant, changed me forever. That day I found self-confidence and discovered that perseverance yields its own sweet fruit. That day a sense of invincibility permeated the air. Mountains were nothing. The sun wasn’t so bright and brilliant anymore. For a moment, I was the best.
TOPIC: Discuss some issue of personal, local, national or international concern and its importance to you. EssayEdge says: This question is among the hardest to answer. Even here you need to stay personal. If a cause is important to you or you have a strong opinion about it, relate it back to your life. What about you, your experiences, or your upbringing has made this issue resonate for you? Why do you care? Does the issue affect you personally in any way? Be sure to write about both sides of the issues to show that you can think objectively and logically. Showing that you are passionate is great; showing that you are one-sided or bull-headed is not. Finally, be sure to refrain from making sweeping generalizations about issues that would be out of your range of experience. SAMPLE ESSAY 5: Carnegie-Mellon, current affairs: Middle East debate A Greek philosopher once said, “In argument, truth is born.” Even though sometimes feelings and emotions come into play that confuse the issue at hand, usually an argument results in a new insight on the subject. Even if a person holds strong views that are unshaken by anything his adversary may say, he may nevertheless gain from the debate. It forces him to organize and analyze his views, leaving him with a clearer understanding of the subject than before. Further, his opponent’s arguments help him better appreciate his views and their differences. Finally, the argument forces both to look inwards, at their character and value system.
For these reasons, I enjoy debating issues that are important to me and about which I hold strong views. One such issue receiving great national attention is the Middle East peace process. While the peace process has always been important to the American community as a whole, and more specifically to the Jewish American community, the assassination of Israel Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin has focused the spotlight upon it, as well as intensified the debate around it. Since I attend a private Jewish school, I often discuss this topic with my peers, often finding myself in the minority. Most of them support the peace process, while I adhere to the views of the Likud (opposition) party, which opposes the peace process.
Complicating the issue are several emotional stigmas that are often attached to it, transforming the discussion from an objective one to one driven by passion. The foremost of these stigmas is the accusation, which is often hurled at the opponents of the peace process, of promoting war and violence. Often made by people who know little about the issue, this view fails to realize that opposition to the peace process does not imply opposition of peace. Rather, it implies disapproval of certain tactics and specifics of the peace process as it was carried out by Rabin.
Another commonly advanced accusation against American Jews who disagree with the peace process centers around the question of whether they have the right to influence Israeli policy. “You don’t have to send your children to the Army,” it is said, “your children don’t die in wars. What right have you to oppose peace?!” The fallacy of this argument is that it doesn’t differentiate between belief and action. While it is true, for precisely the reasons above, that American Jews have no right to try to influence Israeli policy, that does not preclude them from having ideas of what that policy should be.
Finally, the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin has introduced yet another dimension into this debate. In its aftermath, opposing the peace process sometimes is identified with condoning the assassination itself. Such an identification of the man and his beliefs involves grave dangers, such as rashly implementing his ideas in a flurry of compassion and commiseration.
What all of these stigmas have in common is that they forsake logical and objective debate, opting rather for emotions, generalizations and accusations. And the dangers of that happening are the main lesson I learned from my debates. While those debates have shed new light on the issue and have forced me to reconsider what I think is moral and just, most importantly they have demonstrated the necessity of objectiveness and removal of emotions from the discussion, especially when, as in the case of the peace process, thousands of lives are at stake. When passions and hatred take over, we must stop and think of what it all is really about.
SAMPLE ESSAY 6: Harvard, current affairs/family illness: Medicine The Key to Medical Advancement Throughout the twentieth century, virtually every aspect of modern medicine has reaped the rewards of technological advancements. Society will be forever indebted to those pioneers who conceived the vast array of preventions, treatments, and cures that are readily available to mankind today. Apparently, the imaginations of these pioneers know no boundaries, for every day we are informed of progress in yet another domain of study.
Until recently, relatively little ethical consideration needed to accompany our quest for improvement. Indeed, few can find moral fault with important discoveries such as a polio vaccine and insulin. However, medicine is now venturing into areas, such as genetics, which explore the very core of human existence. Consequently, I believe that if medical advancements in these fields are going to continue to benefit society, we need to consider all possible ethical effects before implementing new discoveries. We must ensure that the potential for abuse will not override the capacity for gain.
One of the biggest breakthroughs in genetics has been the use of bacteria to genetically engineer drugs such as insulin and growth hormone. Five years ago, a brain tumor destroyed my brother’s pituitary gland. He now takes genetically engineered growth hormone on a daily basis to replace that which he no longer naturally produces. This technology has helped give back to him a portion of what he lost to the tumor. An effort is currently underway to make growth hormone more readily available to the general public for treatment of ailments such as osteoporosis, severe burns, and infertility. Many people could benefit from growth hormone, but there is also a high probability that it will be abused for athletic purposes. Football great Lyle Alzado appeared on national television appealing to the public to refrain from misusing the growth hormone which he felt was responsible for his brain cancer. Therefore I feel we need to limit how available we make the drug in order to ensure that it does more good than harm.
Research in genetics is also helping us to locate genes which are linked to diseases such as Cystic Fibrosis, Sickle Cell Anemia, and Huntington’s disease. The knowledge of these genes may lead to better treatments and maybe even a cure one day. As well, genetics is now being used in amniocentesis tests to determine, for abortion purposes, if an embryo has an abnormality such as the medical condition known as Down’s Syndrome.
Giving people the opportunity to abort an unplanned child is an issue all by itself. Giving people the opportunity to abort a planned pregnancy because the child isn’t what they wanted is absolutely ludicrous. I am a support worker for a child who has Down’s Syndrome. He’s every bit as much a human being as you and I, and therefore is entitled to all the privileges that accompany the status. Every day he makes me smile and reminds me of how lucky I am simply to be alive. He is the epitome of the innocence which is all too often absent from our fast-paced lives.
What happens when our knowledge expands, as it inevitably will, and an amniocentesis can test for hair and eye color? Will we abort a pregnancy because the child won’t develop blond hair and blue eyes? After all, the argument could be made that a poor physical appearance may cause hardship in life. More importantly, if the technology becomes available, will we custom design children to our specifications by manipulating their genes? Whatever happened to playing the cards we’re dealt? If we’re not careful we might create another Frankenstein.
Implementing these, and other technologies raises some critical ethical issues. A world war took place over 50 years ago because numerous countries intensely disagreed with Adolf Hitler on some of these same issues. Hitler wanted to create a supreme race and eliminate disabled people such as those having Down’s Syndrome. Do we agree with basic principles behind Hitler’s intentions and merely disagree with the method he employed? Hitler was one of the most despised men of modern history. Don’t look now, but it appears as though we’re simply taking a different, more accepted route to the same destination.
Technology seems to be growing at an exponential rate. Every door we open leads to more doors which conceal secrets. The majority of the population can only imagine the excitement of opening one of these doors for the first time ever. The pursuit of this excitement has understandably overwhelmed us. We’ve been blindly unlocking doors as fast as possible with little concern for what might lie beyond the door. However, if mankind is going to continue to prosper we need to start peering through the keyhole to see what lies beyond the door. Then, and only then, can we catch a glimpse of the pros and cons of opening it.
Until now, the main difficulty in unlocking a door has been finding the right key. Perhaps the true challenge actually lies in deciding which doors should be opened and which doors are better left untouched. The principle consideration in making this decision needs to be the ethics of its potential applications.
TOPIC: Indicate a person, character in fiction, an historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, etc.) who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence. EssayEdge says: This type of question attempts to learn more about you through the forces that have shaped you. Many students make the mistake of believing that this is an essay about a person. They go on at length, describing the influential person in detail without making a connection between it and themselves. The school doesn’t care about your uncle, or some fictional heroine. They care about you. What about that person made an impression on you and how. What action did you take to turn this impression into personal development and change?
Colleges learn a lot about your values and standards through your description of your mentors. It is like getting to know a person by the people he chooses to hang out with. If you are skeptical, consider the different impression you would have of the candidate who admires a dynamic, colorful athlete compared to someone who looks up to an accomplished but soft-spoken academic. Neither is better nor worse-just different.
There are no wrong answers here. Far more important than whom you choose, though, is how you portray that person. In other words, do not choose someone because you think it will impress the committee. Name-dropping is not only very obvious, it is very ineffective. Heed this one word of caution, though. Applicants very commonly pick one of their parents. Describing your father gives you the advantage of knowing your subject well, however, it also means doing some extra work to make your essay stand out from the crowd.
SAMPLE ESSAY 7: Wellesley, Influence of mother It took me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my mother has been on my life. She’s the kind of person who has thoughtful discussions about which artist she would most want to have her portrait painted by (Sargent), the kind of mother who always has time for her four children, and the kind of community leader who has a seat on the board of every major project to assist Washington’s impoverished citizens. Growing up with such a strong role model, I developed many of her enthusiasms. I not only came to love the excitement of learning simply for the sake of knowing something new, but I also came to understand the idea of giving back to the community in exchange for a new sense of life, love, and spirit.
My mother’s enthusiasm for learning is most apparent in travel. I was nine years old when my family visited Greece. Every night for three weeks before the trip, my older brother Peter and I sat with my mother on her bed reading Greek myths and taking notes on the Greek Gods. Despite the fact that we were traveling with fourteen-month-old twins, we managed to be at each ruin when the site opened at sunrise. I vividly remember standing in an empty ampitheatre pretending to be an ancient tragedian, picking out my favorite sculpture in the Acropolis museum, and inserting our family into modified tales of the battle at Troy. Eight years and half a dozen passport stamps later I have come to value what I have learned on these journeys about global history, politics and culture, as well as my family and myself.
While I treasure the various worlds my mother has opened to me abroad, my life has been equally transformed by what she has shown me just two miles from my house. As a ten year old, I often accompanied my mother to (name deleted), a local soup kitchen and children’s center. While she attended meetings, I helped with the Summer Program by chasing children around the building and performing magic tricks. Having finally perfected the “floating paintbrush” trick, I began work as a full time volunteer with the five and six year old children last June. It is here that I met Jane Doe, an exceptionally strong girl with a vigor that is contagious. At the end of the summer, I decided to continue my work at (name deleted) as Jane’s tutor. Although the position is often difficult, the personal rewards are beyond articulation. In the seven years since I first walked through the doors of (name deleted), I have learned not only the idea of giving to others, but also of deriving from them a sense of spirit.
Everything that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the thought behind it. While the raw experiences I have had at home and abroad have been spectacular, I have learned to truly value them by watching my mother. She has enriched my life with her passion for learning, and changed it with her devotion to humanity. In her endless love of everything and everyone she is touched by, I have seen a hope and life that is truly exceptional. Next year, I will find a new home miles away. However, my mother will always be by my side.
SAMPLE ESSAY 8: Harvard, Favorite Fictional Character Of all the characters that I’ve “met” through books and movies, two stand out as people that I most want to emulate. They are Attacus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird and Dr. Archibald “Moonlight” Graham from Field of Dreams. They appeal to me because they embody what I strive to be. They are influential people in small towns who have a direct positive effect on those around them. I, too, plan to live in a small town after graduating from college, and that positive effect is something I must give in order to be satisfied with my life.
Both Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham are strong supporting characters in wonderful stories. They symbolize good, honesty, and wisdom. When the story of my town is written I want to symbolize those things. The base has been formed for me to live a productive, helpful life. As an Eagle Scout I represent those things that Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham represent. In the child/adolescent world I am Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham, but soon I’ll be entering the adult world, a world in which I’m not yet prepared to lead.
I’m quite sure that as teenagers Attacus Finch and Moonlight Graham often wondered what they could do to help others. They probably emulated someone who they had seen live a successful life. They saw someone like my grandfather, 40-year president of our hometown bank, enjoy a lifetime of leading, sharing, and giving. I have seen him spend his Christmas Eves taking gifts of food and joy to indigent families. Often when his bank could not justify a loan to someone in need, my grandfather made the loan from his own pocket. He is a real-life Moonlight Graham, a man who has shown me that characters like Dr. Graham and Mr. Finch do much much more than elicit tears and smiles from readers and movie watchers. Through him and others in my family I feel I have acquired the values and the burning desire to benefit others that will form the foundation for a great life. I also feel that that foundation is not enough. I do not yet have the sophistication, knowledge, and wisdom necessary to succeed as I want to in the adult world. I feel that Harvard, above all others, can guide me toward the life of greatness that will make me the Attacus Finch of my town.
SAMPLE ESSAY 9: Harvard, family illness: Mother’s fight with cancer I am learning, both through observations and first-hand experiences, that there are many mishaps in life which seem to be unexplainable and unfair, and yet have devastating consequences. Disease fits into this category. Its atrocity does not stem from the fact that it is a rare or uncommon occurrence, since illness and disease pervade our lives as we hear numerous stories of sick people and come into contact with them each day. However, there is a marked difference between reading in the newspaper that a famous rock star or sports icon has tested H.I.V. positive and discovering that your own mother has been diagnosed with cancer.
Undoubtedly, the most influential people in my life have been my mother and father. It is to them that I credit many of my accomplish-ments and successes-both inside and outside of school. Throughout my childhood, my parents have always fostered and encouraged me in all my endeavors. At all my sporting events, spelling bees, concerts, and countless other activities, they have always been front row and center. My parents, in conjunction with twelve years of Catholic training, have also instilled in me a sound belief in a loving, caring God, which I have come to firmly believe. It therefore should not come as a surprise that the news of my mothers sickness would greatly alter my entire outlook on life. Where was my God?
My mother, in fact, had been aware of her condition in the spring of my junior year in high school. She deliberately did not inform my sister or me of her illness because she did not want to distract us from our studies. Instead, my mother waited for the completion of her radiation therapy treatments. At this time, she brought me into her room, sat me down on the same wooden rocking chair from which she used to read me bedtime stories, and began to relate her story. I did not weep, I did not flinch. In fact, I hardly even moved, but from that point onward, I vowed that I would do anything and everything to please my mother and make her proud of me.
Every subsequent award won and every honor bestowed upon me has been inspired by the recollection of my mother’s plight. I look to her as a driving force of motivation. In her I see the firm, enduring qualities of courage, strength, hope, and especially love. Whenever I feel discouraged or dispirited, I remember the example set by my mother and soon become reinvigorated. Instead of groveling in my sorrow, I think of all the pain and suffering that my mother had to endure and am revived with new energy after realizing the triviality of my own predicament.
For instance, last year, when I was playing in a championship soccer game, my leg became entangled with a forwards leg on the other team, and I wound up tearing my medial cruciate ligament. I was very upset for having injured myself in such a seemingly inane manner. Completely absorbed in my own anguish, I would not talk to anyone and instead lamented on the sidelines. But then I remembered something that my mother used to say to me whenever something like this happened: If this is the worst thing that ever happens to you, I’ll be very happy, and you’ll be very lucky. Instantly, many thoughts race through my mind. I pictured my mother as a young thirteen-year-old walking to the hospital every day after school to visit her sick father. She had always told me how extremely painful it had been to watch his body become emaciated as the cancer advanced day by day and finally took its toll. I then pictured my mother in the hospital, thirty years later, undergoing all the physically and mentally debilitating tests, and having to worry about her husband and her children at the same time. I suddenly felt incredibly ashamed at how immature I had been acting over my own affliction. I gathered my thoughts and instead of sulking or complaining, helped coach my team to victory.
I am very happy to say that my mother is now feeling much better and her periodic checkups and C.A.T. scans have indicated that she is doing very well. Nevertheless, her strength and courage will remain a constant source of inspiration to me. I feel confident to greet the future with a resolute sense of hope and optimism.
TOPIC: Why do you want to spend two to six years of your life at a particular college, graduate school, or professional school? How is the degree necessary to the fulfillment of your goals? EssayEdge says: Knowing the schools to which you apply is an essential step in answering any essay, but questions such as these ask you to write about them directly. In answering these questions, mention specific factors that tie in with your area of interest. Doing this will help you to avoid the insincere, ingratiating tone that is a danger in this type of essay. Each point will be honest and well supported, thereby lending credibility to the essay and, in turn, to you.
Another challenge is finding a balanced yet truthful tone. Do not be cocky or self-effacing. Show a solid, well-researched knowledge of the school. Be honest and be thorough. SAMPLE ESSAY 10: Georgetown, School Target When I think of Georgetown University, I think of Washington and world affairs. I do not know yet exactly what type of professional career I will pursue after schooling, but I do know that I wish to be inter-nationally aware and involved, and that Georgetown would provide me with a solid foundation for that goal.
I am glad I do not know specifically what I want to do later on, because it should be an adventure choosing which course I will take in life. Thus, I have time to experiment and learn from a wide variety of topics. At Georgetown, I am present with the opportunity to take any classes I want and to be taught by some of the most learned and dynamic professors in the world. I was once told that in college, I “will take classes in subjects I had never thought or heard of, ” and I am very excited to do this.
If I were required to pick a major at this instant, I would choose history. If history were only studying, memorizing and regurgitating events, facts, and dates, I would be just as uninterested as most people. However, in studying history, I get a chance to contemplate ideologies and the nature of human beings. I believe that Georgetown University is the best place in the world to study history. It is a school located in Washington, D.C., the capital of the country, of outstanding academic reputation and recognition; my resources would be absolutely unlimited. Living in Washington, I would feel the pulse of our world today. The United States is the world’s dominant power and every issue of great global importance is brought to the country’s capital.
I have been told that although Georgetown has approximately 6,000 undergraduates, the students and faculty alike feel as if the school is a small, interwoven community. I believe that this sense of closeness is a vital aspect in an outstanding college experience. We learn most from interactions among other people, and the fact that this reputation of faculty accessibility and student involvement-both in the immediate Georgetown community and in Washington, D.C.-exists, is very attractive to me. ----
SAMPLE ESSAY 11: Johns Hopkins, School Target The college admissions and selection process is a very important one, perhaps one that will have the greatest impact on one’s future. The college that a person will go to often influences his personality, views, and career. Therefore, when I hear people say that “it doesn’t matter that much which college you go to. You can get a good education anywhere, if you are self-motivated,” I tend to be rather skeptical. Perhaps, as far as actual knowledge is concerned, that statement is somewhat valid. Physics and mathematics are the same, regardless of where they are taught. Knowledge, however, is only a small piece of the puzzle that is college, and it is in the rest of that puzzle that colleges differ.
At least as important, or even more important, than knowledge, is the attitude towards that knowledge. Last year, when my engineering team was competing in the NEDC Design Challenge, held at Hopkins, after the competition I and a few friends talked to a professor of civil engineering. What struck me is the passion with which he talked about his field of study. At Hopkins, everyone-the students, the faculty, the administration-displays a certain earnestness about learning. This makes Hopkins a good match for me, as I, too, am very enthusiastic about the subjects I study. I love learning, and when those around me do too, it creates a great atmosphere from which everyone benefits.
My enthusiasm and activeness extend not just to academics, but to other aspects of life as well. I am very involved in extracurricular activities, participating in my school’s engineering club and math team, and I love sports, having played on the varsity soccer and tennis teams for three years. This makes Hopkins, with its great sport traditions and a multitude of clubs and organizations, a great choice. Further, while in college I intend to explore new activities. Because of my school’s small size and dual curriculum, there is a relatively narrow spectrum of activities available for me. Hopkins affords a great opportunity for me to branch out and participate in organizations to which I previously had no access.
Another aspect of Hopkins that attracts me greatly is its student body, diverse and multicultural, but at the same time uniformly strong academically. Since I myself am a refugee from Russia, where I experienced social and cultural anti-Semitism, multiculturalism and acceptance of different groups are very important to me, not to mention that it allows me to meet people of different backgrounds and learn of their varying perspectives. And this summer at the U.S.A. Mathematical Talent Search Young Scholars’ Program, I experienced the thrill of working in a group where everyone is on the same, or higher, intellectual level as I. I think that, given my academic and cultural background, I would fit in well with the student life at Hopkins and contribute to it.
Academically, too, I believe I would fit Hopkins well. Though Hopkins is most known for its medical program, its engineering school is also one of the best, and that is the general area of study I intend to pursue. In high school, I’ve most enjoyed my mathematics and science courses, particularly physics, and I have participated in the engineering school, so attending Hopkins’ engineering program would be a natural extension of my high school interests. However, my interests are not confined solely to the sciences. I enjoy courses from all areas of curriculum, particularly unorthodox and thought-provoking ones. Therefore, Hopkins, which according to the viewbook “is geared toward educating students in the fundamentals of their field of interest while illuminating wider possibilities through interdisciplinary study” is perfect for me.
Of course, none of those aspects of Hopkins, neither their great student body, their world-renowned faculty, their research centers, nor their clubs and extracurricular opportunities, are worth anything unless one takes advantage of them. That, however, is exactly what I intend to do. While many people find the transition to college overwhelming, therefore not participating in the student life fully the first year, I hope to plunge immediately into the full array of possibility and make as much use of them as possible. Though my soccer and tennis skills might prove insufficient to earn me a place on Hopkins’ varsity teams (though I hope that’s not the case,) I nevertheless want to play sports at least on the club level. Other than that, however, nothing is set in stone except for one thing-to take as full and broad advantage of what Hopkins has to offer as possible.
PLEASE READ THIS ESSAY AND COMMENTS FROM EXPERTS. GREAT LEARNING EXPERIENCE.
http://thechoice.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/02/envelope-paik-7/#more-20625
SAMPLE ESSAYS
SOURCE: JUSTCOLLEGES.COM
TOPIC: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, or risk that you have taken and its impact on you.
EssayEdge says: This question is actually a combination of two common questions: Describe a significant achievement and describe a time when you grew as a person.
Accomplishment questions show the admissions committee what you value, what makes you proud and what you are capable of accomplishing. A common mistake in answering this question is repeating information that can be found elsewhere in the application. You should not try to squeeze every achievement on your resume into the essay. If you do choose to write about an accomplishment that the committee can read about somewhere else on your application, be sure to bring that experience alive by demonstrating what it took to get there and how it affected you personally. Do not be afraid to show them that you feel proud. This is not the place for modesty. However do not fall to the other extreme either-you can toot your own horn, but do it without being snotty. You will not have to worry about either extreme if you spend the bulk of your essay simply telling the story.
If you feel like you have not done anything worth focusing on, then remind yourself that the best essays are often about modest accomplishments. It does not matter what you have accomplished as long as it was personally meaningful and you can make it come alive. Unless specified, the accomplishment can be professional, personal, or academic. Did you get a compliment from a notoriously tough boss? Did you lose the race but beat your own best time? Did you work around the clock to bring your C in physics up to an A. Do not think about what they want to hear-think about what has really made you proud.
For the second part of the question, they are asking you to open up about who you really are. Although you do want to show that you have matured, do not overplay what a terrible person you once were just to make the point of what a great person you are now. No one changes that much. Besides, the “before” portrait might be the one that sticks in the admissions officer’s head. Also, focus on your current personality rather than on the “old you” or on every last detail of the event. The reader wants to know what you are like now, not what you were like a long time ago. Finally, describe real events and scenarios to prove that your growth resulted from the decisions you made and actions you took. Significant events and people can serve as inspiration. Real change, though, always results from the work, effort, and initiative you have put into yourself. Take some credit.
SAMPLE ESSAY 1: Princeton, Athlete (football)
I have learned a great many things from participating in varsity football. It has changed my entire outlook on and attitude toward life. Before my freshman year at [high-school], I was shy, had low self-esteem and turned away from seemingly impossible challenges. Football has altered all of these qualities. On the first day of freshman practice, the team warmed up with a game of touch football. The players were split up and the game began. However, during the game, I noticed that I didn’t run as hard as I could, nor did I try to evade my defender and get open. The fact of the matter is that I really did not want to be thrown the ball. I didn’t want to be the one at fault if I dropped the ball and the play didn’t succeed. I did not want the responsibility of helping the team because I was too afraid of making a mistake. That aspect of my character led the first years of my high school life. I refrained from asking questions in class, afraid they might be considered too stupid or dumb by my classmates. All the while, I went to practice and everyday, I went home physically and mentally exhausted.
Yet my apprehension prevailed as I continued to fear getting put in the game in case another player was injured. I was still afraid of making mistakes and getting blamed by screaming coaches and angry teammates. Sometimes these fears came true. During my sophomore season, my position at backup guard led me to play in the varsity games on many occasions. On such occasions, I often made mistakes. Most of the time the mistakes were not significant; they rarely changed the outcome of a play. Yet I received a thorough verbal lashing at practice for the mistakes I had made. These occurrences only compounded my fears of playing. However, I did not always make mistakes. Sometimes I made great plays, for which I was congratulated. Now, as I dawn on my senior year of football and am faced with two starting positions, I feel like a changed person.
Over the years, playing football has taught me what it takes to succeed. From months of tough practices, I have gained a hard work ethic. From my coaches and fellow teammates, I have learned to work well with others in a group, as it is necessary to cooperate with teammates on the playing field. But most important, I have also gained self-confidence. If I fail, it doesn’t matter if they mock or ridicule me; I’ll just try again and do it better. I realize that it is necessary to risk failure in order to gain success. The coaches have always said before games that nothing is impossible; I know that now. Now, I welcome the challenge. Whether I succeed or fail is irrelevant; it is only important that I have tried and tested myself.
SAMPLE ESSAY 2: Harvard, international experience: Living in Switzerland
“Je deteste des Americains,” said the old Swiss woman sitting across from me. Her face contorted into a grimace of disgust as she and her friend continued to complain that Americans had no culture, that they never learned another language, and that their inferior customs were spreading throughout Europe like an infectious disease. Each hair on the back of my neck sprang to attention, as I strained to hear the women’s inflammatory remarks. I gripped my bag of McDonald’s harder with each insulting phrase.
I had been living in Geneva, Switzerland for four years, during which time I had attended an international school consisting of over 96 different nationalities. I had already become fluent in French and had become accustomed to the new culture in which I was living-a culture which I had believed to be rich in tolerance and acceptance. Naturally, the women’s remarks hurt. Was I really an “ugly American?” Did I have no appreciation of anything other than McDonald’s or Coca-Cola? Had I not been touched by the new world I had been exposed to?
Without question, my four years in Switzerland changed my life in countless ways. From the minute I stepped off the plane at Cointrin Airport, the vastly different sights along the clean street, the ubiquitous smells of rich delicious French cuisine, and my feelings of excitement about my new surroundings told me that I definitely was “not in Kansas anymore.” My school helped greatly in modifying my attitudes, as for the first time I was with peers from countries which I had only read about. Although it was sometimes difficult trying to find links between my self and my Saudi Arabian, Hungarian, French, Nigerian, or Chilean friends, I soon came to enjoy my new stir fry environment. By the time I left, I was wondering how I ever could survive the boredom of attending a homogeneous institution. This is not to say that, prior to this, I had been closed up in a bland box of a world. I had traveled to India, my father’s home, and England, my mother’s home, annually: a practice my family and I continue to this day. I had been brought up without specific religious beliefs, but an awareness of my parents’ spiritual backgrounds of Judaism and Hinduism. Thus my exposure to these various different nationalities in Switzerland built on my found-ations of cultural awareness, rather than laying the cornerstone for it.
My understanding of my new environment was aided tremendously by my ability to speak French, and was subsequently one of the best gifts I brought back from my four year stay in Switzerland. An entire year of school lessons could not have taught me as much of the language as I learned form speaking with my Swiss friends, shopping in the local stores, or apologizing to my neighbors for hitting my ball into their yard. My proficiency in French earned me a regular spot on a nationally broadcast Swiss radio program, in which a Russian child and I discussed tensions between major world powers. This was a rare opportunity, as, although Stephen and I were peers, the fact that Russian children attended the Soviet Embassy school meant that we were not classmates. Though, even if we had been allowed to speak casually before, I am not certain that our conversation would have reached the depth of discussion we achieved on the show.
America will never again seem the same to me. Geneva gave me enough distance to look at my country through objective eyes. Traveling throughout Europe was like a trip with Gulliver: it gave me the ability to look inside myself and discern my country’s faults as well as its numerous strengths. Like the Swiss women’s remarks, it hurt me to find that the United States is not the only country in the world with a rich and stimulating environment. With my new perspective, I saw that America was not what it had been. Then I thought for a moment and realized that America had not changed, but I had.
SAMPLE ESSAY 3: Princeton, childhood experience: A fishing trip
Reluctantly smearing sunblock over every exposed inch of my fifty-three pound body, I prepared mentally for the arduous task that lay ahead of me. After several miserable fishing ventures which had left my skin red and my hook bare, I felt certain that, at last, my day had arrived. I stood ready to clear the first hurdle of manhood, triumph over fish. At the age of seven, I was confident that my rugged, strapping body could conquer any obstacle. Pity the fish that would become the woeful object of the first demonstration of my male prowess.
Engaging me deeply was my naive eagerness to traverse the chasm dividing boy from man. In fact, so completely absorbed was I in my thoughts that the lengthy journey to our favorite fishing spot seemed fleeting. The sudden break in the droning of the engine snapped me to reality. Abruptly jarred back into the world, I fumbled for my fishing pole. Dangling the humble rods end over the edge of the boat, I released the bail on the reel and plunked the cheap plastic lure into the water. Once I had let out enough line and set the rod in a holder, I sat back to wait for an attack on the lure. The low hum of the motor at trolling speed only added to my anxiety, like the instrumental accompaniment to a horror film. And then it hit. A sharp tug on the line pulled me to my feet faster than an electric shock. I bounded to the pole, and when I reached it, I yanked it out of the holder with all of my might. My nervous energy was so potent that when I tugged on the rod, I nearly plunged headlong over the side of the boat and into the fishs domain. Although adrenaline streamed through my veins, after five minutes both my unvanquishable strength and my superhuman will were waning steadily. Just when I was fully prepared to surrender to the fish and, with that gesture, succumb to a life of discontentment, pain, and sorrow, the fish performed a miraculous feat. Shocked and instantly revived, I watched as the mahi-mahi leapt from the oceans surface. The mahi-mahis skin gleamed with radiant hues of blue, green, and yellow in a breathtaking spray of surf. Brilliant sunlight beamed upon the spectacle, giving life to a scene which exploded into a furious spectrum of color. The exotic fish tumbled majestically back to the sea amidst a blast of foam. With this incredible display, the fish was transformed from a pitiful victim to a brilliant specimen of life. I cared no longer for any transcendent ritual I must perform, but rather, I longed only for the possession of such a proud creature. I hungered to touch such a wonder and share the fantastic bond that a hunter must feel for his kill. I needed to have that fish at any cost.
The fight lasted for only ten minutes; nevertheless, it was a ten minutes which I will never forget. When my fish neared the boat, I felt more energized than I had when the fish first struck. At my fathers command, I netted the fish and hauled it into the bottom of the boat. I was nearly bursting with exhilaration.
Released from the net, the fish dropped to the bottom of the boat with a hollow thud, and my jaw dropped with it. I stared in complete horror at the violently thrashing fish which was now at my feet. Within minutes, all of the fishs vibrance, color and life had vanished. Instead, came blood. Lots of blood. It sprayed from its mouth. It sprayed from its gills. Shortly, the boat was coated with the red life blood of the mahi-mahi. It now lay twitching helplessly while it gasped and choked for oxygen in the dry air. I felt sickened, disgusted, and utterly lost in heart-wrenching pity. As I watched the color drain from the fish, leaving it a morbid pale-yellow, I realized that I was responsible for the transformation of a creature of brilliance and life into a pitiful, dying beast.
Despite my brothers cheers and praises, I rode back to shore in bitter silence. I could not help thinking about the vast difference between the magnificent creature which I saw jump in the sea and the pathetic beast which I saw gasping for life in the bloody pit of the boat. What struck me most forcefully on that day, though, was the realization that I was no mere bystander to this desecration. I was the sole cause. Had I not dropped the hook into the water, the fish undoubtedly would still be alive. I, alone, had killed this fish.
In retrospect, I am relieved that I reacted in such a way to my passage from boyhood to manhood. Although my views about many things, hunting and fishing included, have changed considerably since that day, I still retain a powerful conscience which actively molds my personality. One cannot dispute the frightening potential of the human race to induce the permanent extinction of every life form on the planet. As the ability to change the world on a global scale is arguably limited to one breed of life, so, too, is the force which impedes instinctual and conscious action, the human conscience. My own sense of strong moral principle reaches far beyond simply averting Armageddon, however. I often find myself unable to disregard this force of moral and social responsibility in whatever I do. Part of my keen social conscience is demonstrated in the effort I have made to be a positive intellectual leader among my classmates and in the community. Realizing how lucky I am to have been born with a high aptitude for learning, I feel sorry that others who also work very hard cannot achieve like I have nor be rewarded with success as I have been. In a leadership role, I hope to constructively guide my peers to find their own success and see the fruition of their own goals. By serving as class president for three consecutive years, as founder, member, and chairman of the peer counseling society, and as a peer tutor, I have enabled others to reach their goals, while finding personal gratification at the same time. I am fortunate in that I have been given the opportunity to optimize the usefulness of my personal virtues in helping others; I can only hope to continue heeding my conscience in work as a research chemist, or whatever I may do in the future. It is my right and my obligation, for I firmly maintain that the charge of a humanitarian conscience is one which each person must eternally bear for the good of humankind and all the world.
SAMPLE ESSAY 4: Brown, achievement: Martial arts competition
A faint twinge of excitement floated through my body that night. A hint of anticipation of the coming day could not be suppressed; yet to be overcome with anxiety would not do at all. I arduously forced those pernicious thoughts from seeping in and overcoming my body and mind. I still wonder that I slept at all that night.
But I did. I slept soundly and comfortably as those nervous deliberations crept into my defenseless, unsuspecting mind, pilfering my calm composure. When I awoke refreshed, I found my mind swarming with jumbled exhilaration. The adrenaline was flowing already.
After a quick breakfast, I pulled some of my gear together and headed out. The car ride of two hours seemed only a few moments as I struggled to reinstate order in my chaotic consciousness and focus my mind on the day before me. My thoughts drifted to the indistinct shadows of my memory.
My opponent’s name was John Doe. There were other competitors at the tournament, but they had never posed any threat to my title. For as long as I had competed in this tournament, I had easily taken the black belt championship in my division. John, however, was the most phenomenal martial artist I had ever had the honor of witnessing at my young age of thirteen. And he was in my division. Although he was the same rank, age, size, and weight as I, he surpassed me in almost every aspect of our training. His feet were lightning, and his hands were virtually invisible in their agile swiftness. He wielded the power of a bear while appearing no larger than I. His form and techniques were executed with near perfection. Although I had never defeated his flawlessness before, victory did not seem unattainable. For even though he was extraordinary, he was not much more talented than I. I am not saying that he was not skilled or even that he was not more skilled than I, for he most certainly was, but just not much more than I. I still had one hope, however little, of vanquishing this incredible adversary, for John had one weakness: he was lazy. He didn’t enjoy practicing long hours or working hard. He didn’t have to. Nevertheless, I had found my passage to triumph.
My mind raced even farther back to all my other failures. I must admit that my record was not very impressive. Never before had I completed anything. I played soccer. I quit. I was a Cub Scout. I quit. I played trumpet. I quit. Karate was all I had left. The championship meant so much because I had never persevered with anything else.
In the last months, I had trained with unearthly stamina and determination. I had focused all my energies into practicing for this sole aspiration. Every day of the week I trained. Every evening, I could be found kicking, blocking, and punching at an imaginary opponent in my room. Hours of constant drilling had improved my techniques and speed. All my techniques were ingrained to the point where they were instinctive. Days and weeks passed too swiftly. . . .
I was abruptly jolted back into the present. The car was pulling into the parking lot. The tournament had too quickly arrived, and I still did not feel prepared for the trial which I was to confront. I stepped out of the car into the bright morning sun, and with my equipment bag in hand, walked into the towering building.
The day was a blur. After warming up and stretching, I sat down on the cold wooden floor, closed my eyes, and focused. I cleared my mind of every thought, every worry, and every insecurity. When I opened my eyes, every sense and nerve had become sharp and attentive, every motion finely tuned and deliberate.
The preliminary rounds were quiet and painless, and the championship fight was suddenly before me. I could see that John looked as calm and as confident as ever. Adrenaline raced through my body as I stepped into the ring. We bowed to each other and to the instructor, and the match began.
I apologize, but I do not recall most of the fight. I do faintly remember that when time ran out the score was tied, and we were forced to go into Sudden Death: whoever scored the next point would win. That, however, I do recall.
I was tired. The grueling two points that I had won already had not been enough. I needed one more before I could taste triumph. I was determined to win, though I had little energy remaining. John appeared unfazed, but I couldn’t allow him to discourage me. I focused my entire being, my entire consciousness, on overcoming this invincible nemesis. I charged. All my strenuous training, every molecule in my body, every last drop of desire was directed, concentrated on that single purpose as I exploded through his defenses and drove a solitary fist to its mark.
I was not aware that I would never fight John again, but I would not have cared. Never before had I held this prize in my hands, but through pure, salty sweat and vicious determination, the achievement that I had desired so dearly and which meant so much to me was mine at last. This was the first time that I had ever really made a notable accomplishment in anything. This one experience, this one instant, changed me forever. That day I found self-confidence and discovered that perseverance yields its own sweet fruit. That day a sense of invincibility permeated the air. Mountains were nothing. The sun wasn’t so bright and brilliant anymore. For a moment, I was the best.
TOPIC: Discuss some issue of personal, local, national or international concern and its importance to you.
EssayEdge says: This question is among the hardest to answer. Even here you need to stay personal. If a cause is important to you or you have a strong opinion about it, relate it back to your life. What about you, your experiences, or your upbringing has made this issue resonate for you? Why do you care? Does the issue affect you personally in any way? Be sure to write about both sides of the issues to show that you can think objectively and logically. Showing that you are passionate is great; showing that you are one-sided or bull-headed is not. Finally, be sure to refrain from making sweeping generalizations about issues that would be out of your range of experience.
SAMPLE ESSAY 5: Carnegie-Mellon, current affairs: Middle East debate
A Greek philosopher once said, “In argument, truth is born.” Even though sometimes feelings and emotions come into play that confuse the issue at hand, usually an argument results in a new insight on the subject. Even if a person holds strong views that are unshaken by anything his adversary may say, he may nevertheless gain from the debate. It forces him to organize and analyze his views, leaving him with a clearer understanding of the subject than before. Further, his opponent’s arguments help him better appreciate his views and their differences. Finally, the argument forces both to look inwards, at their character and value system.
For these reasons, I enjoy debating issues that are important to me and about which I hold strong views. One such issue receiving great national attention is the Middle East peace process. While the peace process has always been important to the American community as a whole, and more specifically to the Jewish American community, the assassination of Israel Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin has focused the spotlight upon it, as well as intensified the debate around it. Since I attend a private Jewish school, I often discuss this topic with my peers, often finding myself in the minority. Most of them support the peace process, while I adhere to the views of the Likud (opposition) party, which opposes the peace process.
Complicating the issue are several emotional stigmas that are often attached to it, transforming the discussion from an objective one to one driven by passion. The foremost of these stigmas is the accusation, which is often hurled at the opponents of the peace process, of promoting war and violence. Often made by people who know little about the issue, this view fails to realize that opposition to the peace process does not imply opposition of peace. Rather, it implies disapproval of certain tactics and specifics of the peace process as it was carried out by Rabin.
Another commonly advanced accusation against American Jews who disagree with the peace process centers around the question of whether they have the right to influence Israeli policy. “You don’t have to send your children to the Army,” it is said, “your children don’t die in wars. What right have you to oppose peace?!” The fallacy of this argument is that it doesn’t differentiate between belief and action. While it is true, for precisely the reasons above, that American Jews have no right to try to influence Israeli policy, that does not preclude them from having ideas of what that policy should be.
Finally, the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin has introduced yet another dimension into this debate. In its aftermath, opposing the peace process sometimes is identified with condoning the assassination itself. Such an identification of the man and his beliefs involves grave dangers, such as rashly implementing his ideas in a flurry of compassion and commiseration.
What all of these stigmas have in common is that they forsake logical and objective debate, opting rather for emotions, generalizations and accusations. And the dangers of that happening are the main lesson I learned from my debates. While those debates have shed new light on the issue and have forced me to reconsider what I think is moral and just, most importantly they have demonstrated the necessity of objectiveness and removal of emotions from the discussion, especially when, as in the case of the peace process, thousands of lives are at stake. When passions and hatred take over, we must stop and think of what it all is really about.
SAMPLE ESSAY 6: Harvard, current affairs/family illness: Medicine
The Key to Medical Advancement
Throughout the twentieth century, virtually every aspect of modern medicine has reaped the rewards of technological advancements. Society will be forever indebted to those pioneers who conceived the vast array of preventions, treatments, and cures that are readily available to mankind today. Apparently, the imaginations of these pioneers know no boundaries, for every day we are informed of progress in yet another domain of study.
Until recently, relatively little ethical consideration needed to accompany our quest for improvement. Indeed, few can find moral fault with important discoveries such as a polio vaccine and insulin. However, medicine is now venturing into areas, such as genetics, which explore the very core of human existence. Consequently, I believe that if medical advancements in these fields are going to continue to benefit society, we need to consider all possible ethical effects before implementing new discoveries. We must ensure that the potential for abuse will not override the capacity for gain.
One of the biggest breakthroughs in genetics has been the use of bacteria to genetically engineer drugs such as insulin and growth hormone. Five years ago, a brain tumor destroyed my brother’s pituitary gland. He now takes genetically engineered growth hormone on a daily basis to replace that which he no longer naturally produces. This technology has helped give back to him a portion of what he lost to the tumor. An effort is currently underway to make growth hormone more readily available to the general public for treatment of ailments such as osteoporosis, severe burns, and infertility. Many people could benefit from growth hormone, but there is also a high probability that it will be abused for athletic purposes. Football great Lyle Alzado appeared on national television appealing to the public to refrain from misusing the growth hormone which he felt was responsible for his brain cancer. Therefore I feel we need to limit how available we make the drug in order to ensure that it does more good than harm.
Research in genetics is also helping us to locate genes which are linked to diseases such as Cystic Fibrosis, Sickle Cell Anemia, and Huntington’s disease. The knowledge of these genes may lead to better treatments and maybe even a cure one day. As well, genetics is now being used in amniocentesis tests to determine, for abortion purposes, if an embryo has an abnormality such as the medical condition known as Down’s Syndrome.
Giving people the opportunity to abort an unplanned child is an issue all by itself. Giving people the opportunity to abort a planned pregnancy because the child isn’t what they wanted is absolutely ludicrous. I am a support worker for a child who has Down’s Syndrome. He’s every bit as much a human being as you and I, and therefore is entitled to all the privileges that accompany the status. Every day he makes me smile and reminds me of how lucky I am simply to be alive. He is the epitome of the innocence which is all too often absent from our fast-paced lives.
What happens when our knowledge expands, as it inevitably will, and an amniocentesis can test for hair and eye color? Will we abort a pregnancy because the child won’t develop blond hair and blue eyes? After all, the argument could be made that a poor physical appearance may cause hardship in life. More importantly, if the technology becomes available, will we custom design children to our specifications by manipulating their genes? Whatever happened to playing the cards we’re dealt? If we’re not careful we might create another Frankenstein.
Implementing these, and other technologies raises some critical ethical issues. A world war took place over 50 years ago because numerous countries intensely disagreed with Adolf Hitler on some of these same issues. Hitler wanted to create a supreme race and eliminate disabled people such as those having Down’s Syndrome. Do we agree with basic principles behind Hitler’s intentions and merely disagree with the method he employed? Hitler was one of the most despised men of modern history. Don’t look now, but it appears as though we’re simply taking a different, more accepted route to the same destination.
Technology seems to be growing at an exponential rate. Every door we open leads to more doors which conceal secrets. The majority of the population can only imagine the excitement of opening one of these doors for the first time ever. The pursuit of this excitement has understandably overwhelmed us. We’ve been blindly unlocking doors as fast as possible with little concern for what might lie beyond the door. However, if mankind is going to continue to prosper we need to start peering through the keyhole to see what lies beyond the door. Then, and only then, can we catch a glimpse of the pros and cons of opening it.
Until now, the main difficulty in unlocking a door has been finding the right key. Perhaps the true challenge actually lies in deciding which doors should be opened and which doors are better left untouched. The principle consideration in making this decision needs to be the ethics of its potential applications.
TOPIC: Indicate a person, character in fiction, an historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, etc.) who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
EssayEdge says: This type of question attempts to learn more about you through the forces that have shaped you. Many students make the mistake of believing that this is an essay about a person. They go on at length, describing the influential person in detail without making a connection between it and themselves. The school doesn’t care about your uncle, or some fictional heroine. They care about you. What about that person made an impression on you and how. What action did you take to turn this impression into personal development and change?
Colleges learn a lot about your values and standards through your description of your mentors. It is like getting to know a person by the people he chooses to hang out with. If you are skeptical, consider the different impression you would have of the candidate who admires a dynamic, colorful athlete compared to someone who looks up to an accomplished but soft-spoken academic. Neither is better nor worse-just different.
There are no wrong answers here. Far more important than whom you choose, though, is how you portray that person. In other words, do not choose someone because you think it will impress the committee. Name-dropping is not only very obvious, it is very ineffective. Heed this one word of caution, though. Applicants very commonly pick one of their parents. Describing your father gives you the advantage of knowing your subject well, however, it also means doing some extra work to make your essay stand out from the crowd.
SAMPLE ESSAY 7: Wellesley, Influence of mother
It took me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my mother has been on my life. She’s the kind of person who has thoughtful discussions about which artist she would most want to have her portrait painted by (Sargent), the kind of mother who always has time for her four children, and the kind of community leader who has a seat on the board of every major project to assist Washington’s impoverished citizens. Growing up with such a strong role model, I developed many of her enthusiasms. I not only came to love the excitement of learning simply for the sake of knowing something new, but I also came to understand the idea of giving back to the community in exchange for a new sense of life, love, and spirit.
My mother’s enthusiasm for learning is most apparent in travel. I was nine years old when my family visited Greece. Every night for three weeks before the trip, my older brother Peter and I sat with my mother on her bed reading Greek myths and taking notes on the Greek Gods. Despite the fact that we were traveling with fourteen-month-old twins, we managed to be at each ruin when the site opened at sunrise. I vividly remember standing in an empty ampitheatre pretending to be an ancient tragedian, picking out my favorite sculpture in the Acropolis museum, and inserting our family into modified tales of the battle at Troy. Eight years and half a dozen passport stamps later I have come to value what I have learned on these journeys about global history, politics and culture, as well as my family and myself.
While I treasure the various worlds my mother has opened to me abroad, my life has been equally transformed by what she has shown me just two miles from my house. As a ten year old, I often accompanied my mother to (name deleted), a local soup kitchen and children’s center. While she attended meetings, I helped with the Summer Program by chasing children around the building and performing magic tricks. Having finally perfected the “floating paintbrush” trick, I began work as a full time volunteer with the five and six year old children last June. It is here that I met Jane Doe, an exceptionally strong girl with a vigor that is contagious. At the end of the summer, I decided to continue my work at (name deleted) as Jane’s tutor. Although the position is often difficult, the personal rewards are beyond articulation. In the seven years since I first walked through the doors of (name deleted), I have learned not only the idea of giving to others, but also of deriving from them a sense of spirit.
Everything that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the thought behind it. While the raw experiences I have had at home and abroad have been spectacular, I have learned to truly value them by watching my mother. She has enriched my life with her passion for learning, and changed it with her devotion to humanity. In her endless love of everything and everyone she is touched by, I have seen a hope and life that is truly exceptional. Next year, I will find a new home miles away. However, my mother will always be by my side.
SAMPLE ESSAY 8: Harvard, Favorite Fictional Character
Of all the characters that I’ve “met” through books and movies, two stand out as people that I most want to emulate. They are Attacus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird and Dr. Archibald “Moonlight” Graham from Field of Dreams. They appeal to me because they embody what I strive to be. They are influential people in small towns who have a direct positive effect on those around them. I, too, plan to live in a small town after graduating from college, and that positive effect is something I must give in order to be satisfied with my life.
Both Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham are strong supporting characters in wonderful stories. They symbolize good, honesty, and wisdom. When the story of my town is written I want to symbolize those things. The base has been formed for me to live a productive, helpful life. As an Eagle Scout I represent those things that Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham represent. In the child/adolescent world I am Mr. Finch and Dr. Graham, but soon I’ll be entering the adult world, a world in which I’m not yet prepared to lead.
I’m quite sure that as teenagers Attacus Finch and Moonlight Graham often wondered what they could do to help others. They probably emulated someone who they had seen live a successful life. They saw someone like my grandfather, 40-year president of our hometown bank, enjoy a lifetime of leading, sharing, and giving. I have seen him spend his Christmas Eves taking gifts of food and joy to indigent families. Often when his bank could not justify a loan to someone in need, my grandfather made the loan from his own pocket. He is a real-life Moonlight Graham, a man who has shown me that characters like Dr. Graham and Mr. Finch do much much more than elicit tears and smiles from readers and movie watchers. Through him and others in my family I feel I have acquired the values and the burning desire to benefit others that will form the foundation for a great life. I also feel that that foundation is not enough. I do not yet have the sophistication, knowledge, and wisdom necessary to succeed as I want to in the adult world. I feel that Harvard, above all others, can guide me toward the life of greatness that will make me the Attacus Finch of my town.
SAMPLE ESSAY 9: Harvard, family illness: Mother’s fight with cancer
I am learning, both through observations and first-hand experiences, that there are many mishaps in life which seem to be unexplainable and unfair, and yet have devastating consequences. Disease fits into this category. Its atrocity does not stem from the fact that it is a rare or uncommon occurrence, since illness and disease pervade our lives as we hear numerous stories of sick people and come into contact with them each day. However, there is a marked difference between reading in the newspaper that a famous rock star or sports icon has tested H.I.V. positive and discovering that your own mother has been diagnosed with cancer.
Undoubtedly, the most influential people in my life have been my mother and father. It is to them that I credit many of my accomplish-ments and successes-both inside and outside of school. Throughout my childhood, my parents have always fostered and encouraged me in all my endeavors. At all my sporting events, spelling bees, concerts, and countless other activities, they have always been front row and center. My parents, in conjunction with twelve years of Catholic training, have also instilled in me a sound belief in a loving, caring God, which I have come to firmly believe. It therefore should not come as a surprise that the news of my mothers sickness would greatly alter my entire outlook on life. Where was my God?
My mother, in fact, had been aware of her condition in the spring of my junior year in high school. She deliberately did not inform my sister or me of her illness because she did not want to distract us from our studies. Instead, my mother waited for the completion of her radiation therapy treatments. At this time, she brought me into her room, sat me down on the same wooden rocking chair from which she used to read me bedtime stories, and began to relate her story. I did not weep, I did not flinch. In fact, I hardly even moved, but from that point onward, I vowed that I would do anything and everything to please my mother and make her proud of me.
Every subsequent award won and every honor bestowed upon me has been inspired by the recollection of my mother’s plight. I look to her as a driving force of motivation. In her I see the firm, enduring qualities of courage, strength, hope, and especially love. Whenever I feel discouraged or dispirited, I remember the example set by my mother and soon become reinvigorated. Instead of groveling in my sorrow, I think of all the pain and suffering that my mother had to endure and am revived with new energy after realizing the triviality of my own predicament.
For instance, last year, when I was playing in a championship soccer game, my leg became entangled with a forwards leg on the other team, and I wound up tearing my medial cruciate ligament. I was very upset for having injured myself in such a seemingly inane manner. Completely absorbed in my own anguish, I would not talk to anyone and instead lamented on the sidelines. But then I remembered something that my mother used to say to me whenever something like this happened: If this is the worst thing that ever happens to you, I’ll be very happy, and you’ll be very lucky. Instantly, many thoughts race through my mind. I pictured my mother as a young thirteen-year-old walking to the hospital every day after school to visit her sick father. She had always told me how extremely painful it had been to watch his body become emaciated as the cancer advanced day by day and finally took its toll. I then pictured my mother in the hospital, thirty years later, undergoing all the physically and mentally debilitating tests, and having to worry about her husband and her children at the same time. I suddenly felt incredibly ashamed at how immature I had been acting over my own affliction. I gathered my thoughts and instead of sulking or complaining, helped coach my team to victory.
I am very happy to say that my mother is now feeling much better and her periodic checkups and C.A.T. scans have indicated that she is doing very well. Nevertheless, her strength and courage will remain a constant source of inspiration to me. I feel confident to greet the future with a resolute sense of hope and optimism.
TOPIC: Why do you want to spend two to six years of your life at a particular college, graduate school, or professional school? How is the degree necessary to the fulfillment of your goals?
EssayEdge says: Knowing the schools to which you apply is an essential step in answering any essay, but questions such as these ask you to write about them directly. In answering these questions, mention specific factors that tie in with your area of interest. Doing this will help you to avoid the insincere, ingratiating tone that is a danger in this type of essay. Each point will be honest and well supported, thereby lending credibility to the essay and, in turn, to you.
Another challenge is finding a balanced yet truthful tone. Do not be cocky or self-effacing. Show a solid, well-researched knowledge of the school. Be honest and be thorough.
SAMPLE ESSAY 10: Georgetown, School Target
When I think of Georgetown University, I think of Washington and world affairs. I do not know yet exactly what type of professional career I will pursue after schooling, but I do know that I wish to be inter-nationally aware and involved, and that Georgetown would provide me with a solid foundation for that goal.
I am glad I do not know specifically what I want to do later on, because it should be an adventure choosing which course I will take in life. Thus, I have time to experiment and learn from a wide variety of topics. At Georgetown, I am present with the opportunity to take any classes I want and to be taught by some of the most learned and dynamic professors in the world. I was once told that in college, I “will take classes in subjects I had never thought or heard of, ” and I am very excited to do this.
If I were required to pick a major at this instant, I would choose history. If history were only studying, memorizing and regurgitating events, facts, and dates, I would be just as uninterested as most people. However, in studying history, I get a chance to contemplate ideologies and the nature of human beings. I believe that Georgetown University is the best place in the world to study history. It is a school located in Washington, D.C., the capital of the country, of outstanding academic reputation and recognition; my resources would be absolutely unlimited. Living in Washington, I would feel the pulse of our world today. The United States is the world’s dominant power and every issue of great global importance is brought to the country’s capital.
I have been told that although Georgetown has approximately 6,000 undergraduates, the students and faculty alike feel as if the school is a small, interwoven community. I believe that this sense of closeness is a vital aspect in an outstanding college experience. We learn most from interactions among other people, and the fact that this reputation of faculty accessibility and student involvement-both in the immediate Georgetown community and in Washington, D.C.-exists, is very attractive to me.
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SAMPLE ESSAY 11: Johns Hopkins, School Target
The college admissions and selection process is a very important one, perhaps one that will have the greatest impact on one’s future. The college that a person will go to often influences his personality, views, and career. Therefore, when I hear people say that “it doesn’t matter that much which college you go to. You can get a good education anywhere, if you are self-motivated,” I tend to be rather skeptical. Perhaps, as far as actual knowledge is concerned, that statement is somewhat valid. Physics and mathematics are the same, regardless of where they are taught. Knowledge, however, is only a small piece of the puzzle that is college, and it is in the rest of that puzzle that colleges differ.
At least as important, or even more important, than knowledge, is the attitude towards that knowledge. Last year, when my engineering team was competing in the NEDC Design Challenge, held at Hopkins, after the competition I and a few friends talked to a professor of civil engineering. What struck me is the passion with which he talked about his field of study. At Hopkins, everyone-the students, the faculty, the administration-displays a certain earnestness about learning. This makes Hopkins a good match for me, as I, too, am very enthusiastic about the subjects I study. I love learning, and when those around me do too, it creates a great atmosphere from which everyone benefits.
My enthusiasm and activeness extend not just to academics, but to other aspects of life as well. I am very involved in extracurricular activities, participating in my school’s engineering club and math team, and I love sports, having played on the varsity soccer and tennis teams for three years. This makes Hopkins, with its great sport traditions and a multitude of clubs and organizations, a great choice. Further, while in college I intend to explore new activities. Because of my school’s small size and dual curriculum, there is a relatively narrow spectrum of activities available for me. Hopkins affords a great opportunity for me to branch out and participate in organizations to which I previously had no access.
Another aspect of Hopkins that attracts me greatly is its student body, diverse and multicultural, but at the same time uniformly strong academically. Since I myself am a refugee from Russia, where I experienced social and cultural anti-Semitism, multiculturalism and acceptance of different groups are very important to me, not to mention that it allows me to meet people of different backgrounds and learn of their varying perspectives. And this summer at the U.S.A. Mathematical Talent Search Young Scholars’ Program, I experienced the thrill of working in a group where everyone is on the same, or higher, intellectual level as I. I think that, given my academic and cultural background, I would fit in well with the student life at Hopkins and contribute to it.
Academically, too, I believe I would fit Hopkins well. Though Hopkins is most known for its medical program, its engineering school is also one of the best, and that is the general area of study I intend to pursue. In high school, I’ve most enjoyed my mathematics and science courses, particularly physics, and I have participated in the engineering school, so attending Hopkins’ engineering program would be a natural extension of my high school interests. However, my interests are not confined solely to the sciences. I enjoy courses from all areas of curriculum, particularly unorthodox and thought-provoking ones. Therefore, Hopkins, which according to the viewbook “is geared toward educating students in the fundamentals of their field of interest while illuminating wider possibilities through interdisciplinary study” is perfect for me.
Of course, none of those aspects of Hopkins, neither their great student body, their world-renowned faculty, their research centers, nor their clubs and extracurricular opportunities, are worth anything unless one takes advantage of them. That, however, is exactly what I intend to do. While many people find the transition to college overwhelming, therefore not participating in the student life fully the first year, I hope to plunge immediately into the full array of possibility and make as much use of them as possible. Though my soccer and tennis skills might prove insufficient to earn me a place on Hopkins’ varsity teams (though I hope that’s not the case,) I nevertheless want to play sports at least on the club level. Other than that, however, nothing is set in stone except for one thing-to take as full and broad advantage of what Hopkins has to offer as possible.